So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
