help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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