hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
