Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
