when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
