i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
