It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
