I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
