okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
