Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
