remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
