You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
