Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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