Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
