Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
