I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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