i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
