i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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