I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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