OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
