im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
