He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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