we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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