it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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