Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
