grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
