He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
