So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
