If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
