and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
