Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
