we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
