I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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