she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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