yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
