the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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