you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
