hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
