Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
