NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
