U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish my penis had an off switch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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