It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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