shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
