yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
