we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
