My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
