I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
