Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
