i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
