I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
