please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
