real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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