dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bring money and cleavage
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
