just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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